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Thoughts of you and the heaviness you have felt throughout your body has been with me since my initial email to you. I know this is an extremely difficult time for you. Your dad is in peace now and from this you will gain an inner light, which will bring you comfort even though today that does not seem possible. We have always been straightaway with each other our years here and I truly am here if you need to talk. *hugs*
So sorry to hear of your loss. My Dad has been gone almost 3 weeks now and it still isn't easier. I know there is nothing I can really do but I am here to listen if you want to call and cry. I will always be here for my favorite Mermaid. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Love, your Gypsy, Mary!
Its ok Isis,thank you.And thank you everyone.I will tell you,If I could only meet my time with as much dignity,strength and grace and courage a he did,I would be amazed.I have never seen anyone pass as he did.He held on for 5 weeks waiting to see each one of his children.Through all he went through,he kept his humor and ..well he made it bearable to face,I dont know how else to put it.His last daughter came in,he was coherent,and he lit up when he saw her.He got to meet this pretty much on his terms..An hour later he closed his eyes and passed.So quickly and quietly,it was truly amazing.Oh wow,will I ever miss him.
Oceanne, sorry for your loss babe. I am also sorry that I have not been here for you. I was in Dublin for the week on an examination course... I just found out about this tonight when I got time to read around some of my favourite journals. *big hugs*
A last message?
04:33 Apr 26 2012 Times Read: 748
My dad couldnt talk tonight ,and he was desperately trying to tell me something.He was so distraught the nuse even took his mask off because we could not hear or understand,he was so weak. He tried so hard,my heart was in my throat..Suddenly,his saturation dropped to 60 but he just kept trying. :( At that point,I had to move while they put it back on,but he still kept trying even after that.Holding my hand tight and looking straight into my eyes..Finally,I asked him if he remembered Morse code.He nodded and began to tap it out on my hand. This was what he tapped .. .-.. --- ...- . -.-- --- ..-
So am I. I remembered it all the way home so I could translate it. I wish I could stay there with him right now.:( He was determined about that in the beginning,that we couldnt camp out up there..Cause I would,thats for sure.I didnt want to leave.They doped him up though and he was sleeping.I dread that he might pass while Im gone.I hope not.I dont want him to be alone when his time comes.
It hurts to see you go through this but his affection and resilience is wonderful. There's no doubt he loves you and that he knows you love him as well.
Thank you LadyS. Everyone has been so good to me through all this.I will never be able to thank you enough.But I will tell you,it isnt something I take lightly and I will never forget.
I cried when I read this.. sorry I wasn't here for you hunny xxx
Its very strange
02:57 Apr 25 2012 Times Read: 772
death.
Looking it in the face,knowing it isnt far off and helping a loved one meet it.Sometimes,it takes a little while,which is hard....so very,very hard.
You look into their eyes and know how much you love them,only hoping that they know it.That your presence might stay away any fears they might have,if they do.And you wonder what is going through their mind,and what they see..
4 year old little girl: daddy I'll love you always
daddy: me too sweetie
7 years old little girl: daddy I want to marry you
daddy: you'll find a guy worth it and if not, don't worry I'll make him worth it ( smiles and think of shot gun)
14 year old: I hate you dad!
daddy: I love you too sweetie
20 year old: thankx dad you were right
daddy: smile
25 year old girl; It's ok dad I am an adult I can do it
daddy; well if you need call me sweetie
today little girl; Daddy... I love you, and ....
daddy: its ok sweetie I'll always be here and watch over you now, and love you my little girl (smiles and sees finger lightning throwing)
there is 2 people in life, those who come by to teach and leave and those who come by to stay forever, then become angels to continue staying for ever :)
I heard once, that no one is ever gone as long as you keep them in your heart... I do beleive that.
An amazing thing happened today.Its been building up to today, and I have been preparing and bracing for something I really didnt want to face .Its been a terrible week.
So,gathering my strength,I went to the hospital to take dad off the venililator,so he could go in peace.
We took it off ,and waited....And then,an amazing thing happened.He began to BREATHE! And kept breathing! After a time,he woke up and kindof looked around... and smiled! I about fainted I was so happy.He was very, very weak,but was in good spirits and even humor.It was a wonderful day for us in spite of his illness.Weve been granted a reprieve.I dont care how long or short.Im just so thankful to look into his eyes and know he is in there.He even asked for a popsicle!Of course we couldnt give him one,but who cares...he asked.
Life and death is a strange thing.And yes,we just might lose him still,but he isnt on that damn tube anymore .If he decides its time,then he can at least do it with dignity, and Im ok with that.
Thank you sooo much.Im in awe and so very thankful.Its not over,but darnit,that old Marine really did something that amazed us all.It really is a miracle..it was THAT bad.
And to all of you..you think I have strength,but believe me,I couldnt have made it this far without your support and kind words here.It was my comfort every night when we came home from that hospital.(He had stated that in the beginning that we couldnt stay there all the time)I just hope each and every one of you know how much it means to me,how grateful I am for you,and ,well...just thank you,from the bottom of my heart.
And it just goes to show,once a marine always a Marine.To the very end.
LLS,I owe you an apology.Ive been so wrapped up in whats been going on here that I hardly even said anything to you about your loss.Im so very sorry.I really hope you are ok.
He isnt gone .But sadly,it is almost time.We have made the decision to take him off the ventilator tommorrow if he doesnt improve because he wanted it this way.Thing is,he has been unresponsive.When he heard my voice yesterday he opened his eyes,found mine,clenched my hand and was trying to tell me something.I was in there alone with him and as I looked into his and he was mouthing..or trying to,it broke my heart.So bad.
So damn bad.
I know he was telling me to let him go.:( I told him I would take the vent off .Its a long story,but one I will never forget and one of the saddest things thats ever happened to me.
Then when Ronda and Chrisopher came in,he opened his eyes again.He was calm and didnt struggle like he had been.He looked at each of us for a very long time then closed his eyes again.
is one tough old soldier,I'll tell you that.I thought the fight had gone out of him and its been making me sick.But today,he started breathing over the machine.His vitals are holding and his one leg is healing well.
dad is onlife suport now and I know he didnt want it to come to this or have to remain this way.I will be making those phone calls I didnt want to make,and a decision I will have to live with the rest of my life.
COMMENTS
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teetee
02:57 Apr 29 2012
very nice......hugs
captainglobehead
04:02 Apr 29 2012
I know he was very, very proud of you.
tr1n1ty01
05:12 Apr 29 2012
Thoughts of you and the heaviness you have felt throughout your body has been with me since my initial email to you. I know this is an extremely difficult time for you. Your dad is in peace now and from this you will gain an inner light, which will bring you comfort even though today that does not seem possible. We have always been straightaway with each other our years here and I truly am here if you need to talk. *hugs*
slipknotbabe356
06:36 Apr 29 2012
My thoughts and prayers go to you and your family
VenusFire
15:06 Apr 29 2012
My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
moonkissed
16:15 Apr 30 2012
I am very sorry for your loss Oceanne.
I know you will honor his memory always.